Can we talk about that?

Etiquette & Leadership Coach, helping people show up with confidence, kindness, and credibility.

By Lee-Ann Barkhouse

As we settle into the fall season, calendars start filling up with family dinners, community events, and holiday plans. Just a reminder that we’ve all heard the advice to avoid politics, religion, and money in polite conversation. Of course, those subjects still come up, especially with people we know well. Most of us have been asked a question we’d rather not answer or drawn into a debate we didn’t intend to have. Here are a few ways to handle those moments graciously.

Q. Are politics, religion, and money still considered off limits?

A. Not always. A thoughtful conversation with a friend is different from putting someone on the spot at a dinner party. Pay attention to the setting and the people involved. If someone seems reluctant to join in, move on.

Q. A family member often asks what I paid for things or how much money I make. They start with, “If you don’t mind me asking,” but later make comments about my spending or income. How can I respond tactfully?

A. It’s okay to say that you do mind. Try, “I’d rather not get into the price, and I’m happy with my purchase.” If they ask about your income, you can say, “I prefer to keep that private.” Say it pleasantly, then move the conversation along. If they keep asking, you don’t need a new explanation. “I’d rather not discuss it” is enough.

Q. How do I disagree with someone without sounding disrespectful?

A. Let them finish before you respond and make sure you understand what they mean. You might say, “I can see why you feel strongly about that. I see it differently.” Then share your view without assuming you know their reasons or trying to win them over. A question such as “What led you to that opinion?” can keep the conversation going. “How could you believe that?” usually shuts it down. And if neither of you changes your mind, it’s perfectly fine to agree to disagree.

Q. What if someone won’t drop a subject I don’t want to discuss?

A. Be a little more direct: “I know this matters to you, but I prefer to not discuss.” Then change the subject. If they bring it up again, it’s fine to excuse yourself.

Etiquette Tip of the Month

“If you don’t mind me asking” can be a warning that a personal question is coming. If you’re on the receiving end, take a moment before answering. It’s perfectly fine to say, “Actually, I’d rather keep that private,” and move on. You don’t owe anyone a reason.

If you’re the one asking, be prepared to hear no. Accept the answer with a warm “Of course,” and change the subject. Respecting someone’s privacy helps them feel at ease with you, even when the conversation takes an unexpected turn.

Until next month, be kind, be thoughtful, and remember that the smallest acts of consideration often leave the greatest impression.

Warm regards,

Lee-Ann 

Have a situation you’d like help with? Write in or email ([email protected]) and your question may be featured in a future column. Let’s build a kinder, more respectful world, one interaction at a time.

Lee-Ann Barkhouse is the founder of Invest in U, where she helps individuals and organizations build confidence, professionalism, and meaningful connections. She is a certified etiquette trainer, board-certified health & wellness coach, and workshop facilitator who inspires people to communicate with confidence, strengthen relationships, and show up as their best selves. Learn more at www.investinuma.com. W