Etiquette & Leadership Coach helping people show up with confidence, kindness, and credibility.

Self-Awareness: The Foundation of Respect

The best etiquette isn’t about knowing which fork to use or when to send a thank-you note.  It’s about self-awareness.  Self-awareness is the ability to recognize how our words, actions, and behaviors affect the people around us.  Whether we’re responding to a coworker, posting on social media, supervising our children, or navigating family relationships, etiquette begins with three timeless principles:  Respect.  Consideration. Honesty.

Before speaking, posting, or reacting, ask yourself:  Is it respectful?  Is it considerate?  Is it honest?

Those three simple questions can prevent misunderstandings, strengthen relationships, and create more positive workplaces, families, and communities.  This month’s questions all remind us that etiquette isn’t about rules. It’s about the choices we make every day.

Q. I have a family member and his wife who have two lovely young children who have not received any vaccinations. The parents are firmly against vaccines.  How do we respectfully handle family gatherings when there are elderly relatives and others with health concerns?

A. This is one of today’s most sensitive etiquette challenges because it involves both personal beliefs and health concerns. The goal isn’t to debate vaccination choices but to communicate with kindness and respect.  

If certain family members have health concerns or feel uncomfortable, it’s perfectly appropriate to acknowledge those feelings and look for alternatives.  You might say: “We’d love to spend time together.  Because we have older family members and others with health concerns, we’re trying to be extra cautious.  Perhaps we could meet outdoors or plan another visit that works for everyone.”

Respect doesn’t always mean agreement.  It means recognizing that people may have different perspectives while honoring one another’s boundaries with kindness.  Relationships are far more valuable than winning an argument.

Q. While working in an office cubicle area, is it best practice to keep your personal cell phone on silent and take personal calls outside of the office?  In my office, one person has been asked multiple times to silence their phone, yet they become annoyed and dismiss the request.  Human Resources won’t do anything about it.

A. Absolutely.  One of the foundations of workplace etiquette is respecting the shared environment.  A cubicle may feel like your personal workspace, but it is still a communal setting where everyone deserves the opportunity to work without unnecessary distractions.

Keeping your phone on silent and stepping away for personal calls demonstrates professionalism and consideration for your coworkers.  Just as we silence our phones during meetings, presentations, or performances, the same courtesy belongs in an open office.

This situation also highlights the importance of leadership.  Organizations benefit from establishing clear expectations for shared workspaces through employee handbooks, posted office etiquette guidelines, or discussions during staff meetings.  When expectations are communicated consistently and applied fairly to everyone, they become part of the workplace culture rather than a personal criticism directed at one individual.

A respectful workplace isn’t created by policies alone.  It’s built one thoughtful action at a time.

Q. I keep seeing passive-aggressive posts on social media.  Recently, a friend’s daughter publicly criticized people for being unkind to her mother.  I don’t know the full story, but it seems like posting online only makes things worse.  What is the best approach?

A. Social media has made it easy to express our emotions instantly, but it is rarely the right place to resolve personal or family conflict.  Once emotions become public, misunderstandings often multiply and people feel pressured to choose sides.

Before posting, ask yourself, “Am I trying to solve a problem, or simply express my frustration?”

If the goal is healing, a private conversation is almost always more effective than a public post.  If you’re simply observing the situation, resist the temptation to comment or become involved unless someone has asked for your support.

Before you hit “Post,” remember that words written in anger often last much longer than the emotions that inspired them.

Q. My brother recently posted something on social media. Instead of responding to his post, a relative commented by asking whether he was still speaking to me.  How should this be handled?

A. Family relationships deserve privacy and respect. Public comment sections are not the appropriate place to discuss personal family matters or invite others into them.

The best response is often no public response at all.  If you feel the need to address it, do so privately.  A simple message such as, “I’d appreciate keeping our family matters offline. If you ever have a question, please ask me directly.” is respectful, honest, and protects everyone’s dignity.

Sometimes the most gracious response is choosing not to continue a conversation that never belonged in public.

Q. I recently attended a sporting event where there were many empty seats around us.  Several young children sat in seats that didn’t belong to their family while their parents sat elsewhere. The parents brought them food but left them unsupervised.  The children climbed on the seats, were disruptive, and one even slipped and got hurt. Later, when the actual ticket holders arrived, the children moved.  What is the proper etiquette in this situation?

A. Purchasing a ticket gives you the right to the seat you’ve selected, not to any unoccupied seat you happen to find.  While some venues permit guests to move to open seats later in an event, children should never be left unattended in seats that don’t belong to their family.

Good etiquette begins with respect—for other guests, for the venue’s policies, and for safety. Parents have a responsibility to supervise their children and teach them that public spaces are shared with others.  Climbing on seats, disturbing nearby spectators, or occupying seats that may belong to someone else affects everyone’s experience.

If the children’s behavior becomes disruptive or presents a safety concern, it’s appropriate to notify an usher or event staff member.  They can address the situation professionally without placing other spectators in an uncomfortable position.

Public events offer wonderful opportunities to teach children consideration, responsibility, and respect for others.  Those lessons often leave a far greater impression than the final score of the game.

Etiquette Reflection

Etiquette is not about perfection or memorizing rules.  It is about making choices that strengthen relationships and demonstrate respect for others.

The next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, pause and ask yourself:

Is it respectful? 

Is it considerate? 

Is it honest? 

When those three principles guide our decisions, good etiquette becomes more than good manners—it becomes a way of living.

Until next month, be kind, be thoughtful, and remember that the smallest acts of consideration often leave the greatest impression.

Warm regards,

Lee-Ann 

Have a situation you’d like help with?  Write in or email ([email protected]) and your question may be featured in a future column.  Let’s build a kinder, more respectful world, one interaction at a time.

Lee-Ann Barkhouse is the founder of Invest in U, where she helps individuals and organizations build confidence, professionalism, and meaningful connections.  She is a certified etiquette trainer, board-certified health & wellness coach, and workshop facilitator who inspires people to communicate with confidence, strengthen relationships, and show up as their best selves.  Learn more at www.investinuma.com